Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Every Child

Every child wants to please dad.  "Am I ok?"  But if dad isn't there, the child faces abandonment and rejection among other things.  "Dad left because of me.  There must be something wrong with me.  I am fatally flawed."

Transfer that to God:
 -God is angry with me.  -God is absent/distant.  -We become works oriented.  -Feelings of self-pity  -I don't deserve (good things).

Every child needs the softness of mom.  "Am I lovable?" But if mom isn't there, the child has no safe place to be comforted, to relax, to be "me", to talk things out, no place to feel "unjudged".  "I am not ok.  I have to be strong.  No one is safe, I'm not safe.  Work, work, work."

Transfer that to God:

 -God is judgmental.  -God is not safe.  -God is angry.  -God is not soft, comforting.  -God punishes harshly.  -I have to perform to get God to 'love' me.  -God doesn't want me.  -God doesn't even like me.

So many people grow up without one or both parents.  It's sad really because God created the family unit to have BOTH parents involved in the child's life to create wholeness.  The masculinity of the male creates confidence in a child.  It creates the "go-get 'em, Tiger" we all want to hear.  We NEED dad to push and cheer us on.  We need him to teach us to be confident in ourselves.

We need mom.  She is the tender side.  She calls to us in the quiet moments to talk to us gently.  She holds us and comforts us.  When we lose the game, she's there to give the "it's ok, I still love YOU" talk.  And we need that.  There's nothing wrong with me, I just didn't quite make it... this time.  She enjoys time with us.  She listens to our hearts and loves what's in it.  She  doesn't condemn us for what's inside.  She's the safe place.

Then, when we know we are safe, and we can trust the family unit.  We listen, again to dad's "Go get 'em, Tiger!  Knock 'em dead!"  And we will get up and try again.  Why?  Because that's what we're really made of.  Trust.  Love.  Expectancy.  Rest.  Safety.    LOVE.

God is all of these.  He really is.

Unfortunately, many of my friends are not experiencing these.  O how I long to be able to help them understand.  But not in their heads.  In their entire being.  What fun it is to just KNOW who you are and WHY.

That's what we call  PURPOSE.

This song is by Kelly Clarkson.  It's very touching, very true.  I'm glad she spoke out because so many people feel this way about divorce.  It really breaks the heart to hear what little children feel.  And still feel as they get older but the feelings never go away.

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