I LOVE this video!! It says it all.  "Encourage each other just as you are doing" 1Thessalonians.

relaxing

This is the first Sunday that I haven't come home completely exhausted.  My typical Sunday is to get up early (6:20) and be at church to sing by 8:00.  The whole family.  Then, I'm at church until about 5:00pm because we lead youth group (4th grade-8th grade) until  "4:00".  I put 4pm in quotes because it really NEVER happens to end at 4. 

Today, I didn't sing.  I was still there early because my husband runs the sound board, but I didn't mind.  I also didn't do youth group.  Our church is starting a princess class.  It's like the idea of a passing of age.  Girls 12+ go through a 10 week class about what it's like to be a woman with character.  At the end of the whole thing, we have a celebration where they wear formals and their dad/father figure stand up and blesses them as a woman.  It's a tear jerker.  If you want to learn more about it click here.

All in all it was a good day.  P.S.  the hubby's picking up pizza for dinner.  NO COOKING!  : )

back again

back in L.A. again.  hubby had more work.  good thing is, the whole family is here.  if you don't know about candlewood suites, it's a great place.  you get a kitchen and a work station. it's like home away from home. 

i've been spending my time here at the "hotel" looking through and highlighting kelly rae roberts' e-book "Flying Lessons".  it's about starting your own creative business.  there's a lot of information in there, about 200 pages and i'm on 65.  (see link on the right side.)  at this point it's talking about having an online presence.  i've never done anything like this before.  blogging is new, having a website is new, having a "fan" page on facebook is new.  but here i am.  yes, i am afraid.  i don't like things getting 'bigger than me' but then i gotta face my fear sometime, right?

i've been told that God has big plans for me and my family.  i KNOW i have a creative streak.  just yesterday, i was at Goodwill and found some skirts and purses with COLOR.  i've always felt safe with brown and black.  they go with everything!  well, i found some of the cutest things that went with some shoes that i bought at the DAV thrift store.  ( I LOVE THRIFT STORES)  i went crazy!  i only bought 5 skirts and 4 bags.  1 purse had my daughter's name on it so i bought it for her.  another was a huge 'beach' bag or grocery bag.  the other 2 were purses for me.  anyway, i can't wait for it to warm up enough so i can wear them.  and by 'warm up' i mean 70 degrees-ish.  i'll get some pictures up next week.

anyway, to go along with that creativeness i spotted something so cute! this is an apron that i can't wait to make and this is a handbag i want to put my stuff on, like paint on it.  what do you think?  i'm loving this stuff.....

a small vacation

we had our 14th anniversary this week.  my husband took me to dana point.

he then had to go to work in L.A. so i got to go with him.  it gave me time to work on some paintings.  i blogged, but didn't post any pictures.  here they are and again they look like kelly rae roberts.

i'm gonna make my own stuff soon, i promise!  i have a thought in mind.  i just gotta find time and the stuff to do it.

i sent one of my painting to Brave Girls Club.  they put it up!  here's the link.  i gotta say, i was jumping up and down with a big smile on my face!  i know it's a little thing, but it's also big.  i am a little person filling my space with what makes me happy.  i like it that way.  the hard part is asking myself "what do i want".  i've asked myself that question before.  but i don't have an answer.  i honestly don't know what i want.  i don't even know who i am.  i guess doing this art is showing me who i am.  CREATIVE.  i've "known" that.  but i haven't given myself the freedom to TRY stuff.  i WANT to be original.  but i don't know what that is.  so, here i am on a journey to ORIGINALNESS.  o boy.

i did find out something very disheartening.  TV takes away creativity.  i LOVE organizing tv shows and 'fix the house' stuff.  HGTV is so fun to watch.  but i find that in doing so, i lose touch with me and what's in me.  hmmmm.  i did not know this.  bummer.  i had to make a choice.  i spent half the day 'cleaning out' me just to un-bag all that wanted to put itself on to paper.  it was good to have it quiet.

big side note: i haven't had a tv in my house for 7 years now, maybe 8.  i'm loosing track.  it's a crutch for me.  if it's on, i'm glued.  it doesn't matter where i am.  it captures my attention.  so, because of the draw, my husband and i have agreed to be free of it.  we still watch movies (free from the library) on the computer and we still get the news online.  we are still attached to the world in that realm.  but we aren't bombarded by the sensual shows, "reality" tv and constant advertising telling me what i need.  (and we spend less!)  okay.  that's enough of a side note.

what i've been up to

9 x12 canvas panel.  This one went to my parents.

a friend requested this one for herself.

I would consider this one an original.  9 x 12 also given to a friend.

this is a little 3 x 3 magnet.  it's fuzzy 'cuz i used my camera phone

this one was inspired by someone online.  i don't know who the original painter is.

this is my second painting.  inspired by kelly rae roberts.

this is another original. given to another friend.

so i am having fun making all kinds of things.  i found a book written by kelly rae roberts at Michaels called "taking flight".  i am still finding out who i am.  i am celebrating my beginnings.  i love LOVE where i am!  something's awake on the inside and i feel joy.

i have gone down the artistic road for a long time.  i have done the jewelry thing.  it lasted a year.  i did Uppercase Living.  very fun but i couldn't meet my quota (which is what they all want, right?)  i painted my nails.  i have pictures of those too.  here's one. again, fuzzy from my camera phone.

 i did some scrapbooking but i'm not into spending $5 per page making 1 or 2 pictures look good!  i LOVE words.  I try to read every t-shirt that has something on it. 

here's my dream, i think.  i want to put my stuff on t-shirts and handbags.  whatever 'my' means.  i'm still not sure who i am in this process.  i'm only 2 months in.  great thing is, this is much cheaper than jewelry and Uppercase Living and buying nail polish remover!  and so much more creative!

waiting

i sat down to work on some art yesterday. i got 2 done and working on a third, but i won't finish it.  problem is, it's not me.  i've been copying kelly rae roberts for the past 2 months.  that's not a bad thing.  i've been reading kelly rae's stuff and she basically tells it like this "you gotta start somewhere".  i liked her art and began there.

see, i LOVE words.  especially ones that inspire and fill you up.  which is why i love the Bible.  isaiah 62 is a great chapter.  so i'm resting in it right now.  i want to paint something from it.  and the best thing is the bible isn't copyrighted!  Jesus loves that i can quote from him any time. 

so now i'm waiting for inspiration.  i won't be 'digging' into myself because that's not Jesus.  my self is selfish. and shallow.  i want something deep.  and the best thing is, Jesus wants me to wait for him too!  i love Him.  i wonder what he's going to say.

facing fear

i made an art project last week.  you can see it here.  it's supposed to be a place where i put all the things i'm afraid of and then add to it the TRUTH.  so i've been facing some of the fears i've stuffed down.  here's some examples: i'm afraid of people i don't understand.  (you know, the one's we turn away from because we are "too busy" to engage them in conversation or those at church that you've seen but don't affiliate with because _________) i'm afraid of what people will say.  i'm in uncharted territory and that's scary because i don't know the outcome.  will it be bad?

so.  here i am.  facing my fears.  listening to what's in there.  it's a good thing.  why?  because all my life i ran away from them.  actually it's impossible to run away from them.  i really just stuffed it down.  unfortunately, doing that causes major problems.  it can (and will, if you let it get too far) cause health problems!  when i was little, i got myself so sick to my stomach about going to school, that i couldn't eat breakfast.  i was so worried about what the kids at school would do/say to me.  i was a very quiet child, very shy.  i was afraid of so many things, including my teachers.  i tried to stay on everyone's good side and be in the shadows as much as possible.  i didn't want to stick out and get attention, good or bad.

now i'm able to ask myself what it is i'm afraid of.  just looking at it, at first IS scary because fear puts a big face on.  but as i sit there with it, asking questions about why it's there, i find roots that go back to when something did happen or i thought would affect me.  for instance, with the fear "i'm afraid of what people think of me" i placed my value in what my parents thought of me.  what kid doesn't?  my perception of myself in life was "you don't measure up" and/or "keep mom and dad happy".  a big part of that is a first-born thought.  i think parents place a lot of  pressure on the first-born child because they don't know what to do!  everyone is new at it! so these are walls of fear in my life that i struggle with.  as i look at them, they get smaller.  especially when i know there are others around me also looking at their fears and finding out THEY CAN BE CONQUERED!  what a blessing and freeing thing that is!  as i look at them, i place them into God's hands and tell him they are his to work on.  as he works on them, he's causing me to step out into unknown realms. 

right now, i'm wanting to take pictures of things.  i don't know why.  i'm getting some kind of eye for beauty i never had.  i didn't enjoy art.  art galleries bore me.  i like to quickly look at things and keep moving.  i don't stare at art for hours.  something in me is changing.  i don't know what it is yet.  but i like it.  it's new and it's fun and i smile.  i love God more.  i love my family more.  i feel like i'm really living.

how about you?  what are your fears?  do you face them or stuff them?

saying "yes" to being honest

1Thessalonians 5:23a  "Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely"  pull it apart.

may the God (Maker, Creator, Lord, Master) of peace (rest, full of quiet, calm) Himself, sanctify (cleanse, scrub, make white and spotless what is filthy) you entirely (wholly, completely).

it's such a good word because the part about LETTING God change you is the first step to change.  to do that is by being honest with someone who we think could squash us like a bug.  He CAN do that.  but He chooses not to.  because squashing is not love and his essence IS love.  what's the purpose of squishing something?  we don't squish our kids.  sometimes we'd like to, but we don't.  why?  ask yourself why you don't kill your child?  what is it about them in your life that makes you not kill them?  now.  think about the size of our human heart.  it's not much smaller than the size of our fist, if not the same size.  now.  think about God and His size.  He's obviously bigger than us.  how big is His heart?  if you have this much love for your child, how much love does God have?  think about it.

we often think of God as the big guy in the sky that is waiting for us to mess up.  where did that thought come from?  why do we think this?  be honest and let yourself ponder this.  where did that thought come from?
this is a truth you need to know.  because it may not be truth.  you may have been believing a "truth" that you discovered to be a lie.  i did.

where i am now:  i've given, and continue to give, God freedom and permission to find things in my life he wants to change and grow.  why?  because i know that He has better plans for me than i have for myself.  Jeremiah 29:11, (a well known verse that i've come to hate because of how people use it) says "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you  and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  i don't know my heart.  i don't know what will make my heart soar when i'm 55.  but He does.

my creator is very creative.  he created the desires in my heart, the good ones.  he knows how to feed it.  why wouldn't i go to him?

think of a cuckoo clock.  it has intricate, handmade parts.  you are the cuckoo clock.  everyday you need winding to keep going.  if you break, you'd want the maker to fix it right?  not some wal-mart employee who's never seen one before.  the reason why the cuckoo clock maker makes cuckoo clocks is because he loves everything about it, especially when the little cuckoo comes out and chimes the hour.  it makes him smile.  wouldn't you want to make him smile by doing what you do best?  be honest with yourself and God.  that's what you do best.

another "Leap" forward

in my head, i've had an image for the last several weeks.  it's an image of me painting on a large canvas, say 3 feet by 4 feet, with black paint using my fingers.  in essence-finger painting.  i've dismissed the thought so many times until i read in kelly rae robert's e-book, "do what the inner voice is telling you to do".  i just recently bought large bottles of acrylic paint in primary colors and then my husband, dan, tells me he has large cubicle panels just waiting to be thrown out and i could use them.

about 5 p.m. last night, i just decided to do it.  so!  with the music that a friend sent me in the mail (thanx for the inspiration!), i set it all up in the garage and it took me only half an hour to do!  i gotta say, it's not at all what i thought it would be.  i was honestly expecting to have enough black to cover the whole thing and then write in white pen my fears/lies and then in gold pen write the truth from God.  as you will see, it's not what happened!  and it's OK.  because it's what God wanted to say in the first place.  so my plan now is to tack on post-it notes of my fears/lies and add God's response instead of writing it on the wall.  when we were eating dinner, the song 'voice of truth' by casting crowns came to mind and i thought it would be a good addition to it.  lo, and behold it totally works and you can see it all right here---sped up of course.

finding God in the small things

i can't say that i'm discovering myself.  but i can say that i'm discovering God and how he works.  I grew up with a lot of good things in my life.  but i never really saw them, or at least i didn't see good.  i would find the negative in everything because it wasn't perfect-to my standards.  yet i don't think i really knew my standards.  i just wasn't happy.  which is crazy because i had people around that loved me and provided for me.  so this blog is really about looking at the good things.  these are things that have been there but i just didn't notice them because of the "dark veil" that i've been shrouded in.  a lie.  it's a little lie.  small. short.  but in the whole scheme of things, it's affected my whole life.  so now, i'm making an 'effort' or rather, allowing God to show me, that there have been good things around me and there are good things around me now.  in the Bible, david was a shepherd who was surrounded by sheep and his music and good things.  he saw it.  he saw it for what it was and he praised God for those things.  he found that in those small, good things, his God was his protector, his creator, his healer, etc.  i want to be like that too.  so i say, Yes Lord.  he's calling my name.  and he's calling yours too.