Wednesday, February 1, 2012


Last night I was at someone's house.  We don't see each other enough to really know each other.

He asks me how I'm doing and I tell him that my day is the same day in and day out.  (With a tone like 'I wish I had something to do'.)  I tell him about my kids and that I'm currently taking an online class.  I then proceed to tell him a little bit about what the class entails.  How I struggled with whether I was supposed to take the class until I heard God tell me that I was supposed to take the class to benefit others.

I didn't get very far into the conversation before his attention had drifted (or was directly taken by someone else) to another topic.  I saw the whole thing happen.  I shut down.

A similar thing happened on Sunday.  Someone asked me a question.  I answered them.  They did the "Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh"  The kind that says I'm not really listening nor do I care.   Again, I shut down..

WHAT?  What are you saying that I'm not hearing?  Am I boring you?  Am I talking too much?

And then, I realize-- I do that too.  Especially to my family.  It's so easy to "uh-huh" your way through life.  It's easy to not listen to people when you think the conversation isn't important TO YOU.  But to the other person talking, It Is Their WORLD.

I hate that feeling I get when I know that the other person can't wait to get out of the conversation we, or rather I, are in.  I feel inadequate, stupid, worthless, no-one-has-time-for-me.

So here it is: It has to start with me.

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