Tuesday, April 12, 2011

wow...i never thought.

So I'm in week 2 of Soul Restoration by Brave Girls Club.  I have some things to face.  Most of it has to do with my worth.  Now I'm going through the pain of defeating the lies that are within me.  It's scary.  It's hard.  But this is something I have to walk through.

See, Jesus died for us.  He wanted a relationship for us.  What that means is we have value.  I have value.  But something inside tells me differently.  I have not had a voice for so long.  And when I did find it.  It was small.  So small, in fact, that loud, pushy people get their way with me.  I become a trembling little girl in the corner.

How did this happen?  I had an incident when I was 4 years old.  But there were so many other things in my life that constantly pushed me down.  So now, now is the time to say-to myself, to my world-"I have to say something."  "I am something."  "I have value."

I sit here now, so scared.  What will happen?  I know the truth in my head "I am worth it.  I can do it.  It will be ok."  But what is it that's deeper that causes the fear.  Is it me?  No.  It's not me.  Me:  I long to be free.  Fear:  It wants to control me.  Who is my friend?   NOT fear. 

So I'm stepping out.  I have a huge step to take tomorrow.  It will go well.  I will be heard, even for a little while and hopefully in a great magnitude.  But even just a little understanding would be a big step.

I am so thankful my husband and Jesus are in full support of the whole thing.

I can't wait to become the flower I'm meant to be.  No Fear....and Playing to my heart's content.

Loved..........feels good.

No comments: