I'm going through a time of struggling. I have been here a couple of days. I'm not sure what it is. Sad in my heart. Things touch me and I cry, even though they have nothing to do with me, not really. A large part of me is crying out, "God change this, please!" But He just told me something this morning that gave me faith in Him. It's about how to pray.
All my life, I've begged God to do things, thinking this is how to pray. But He showed me this morning that my viewpoint is wrong. The way I've been coming to Him is not because I know He'll do it but that He won't. Hence the sadness of heart. He told me this morning, "Pray like I've already done it. And He showed me the end result." What do you think my prayer was then? "Thank you, God. You changed it." Funny thing is, this morning I found the same verse in 2 different things I was reading this morning and it struck me as kinda odd. They had nothing to do with each other, at all. Here's the verse, Hebrews 4:16 "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Think about the 2 heart positions...One being "Oh God please" and the other "Thank You." These are VERY different. What happened was, as I was talking to God "please, please, please" with sadness, He told me that I didn't trust Him. Trust, Rest and Expectancy = Faith. I had no faith in this area. I wasn't expecting Him to fix it, and I certainly wasn't resting. No Faith.
Then He said, "Don't despise small beginnings." This is the latest thing He's been showing me. And my mind flashed to pictures of people. David the shepherd boy, Samuel the 4 year old learning alongside priests, Joshua, one of the 12 spies checking out Canaan, Gideon, the youngest in his family, smallest clan in Israel. "Don't despise small beginnings." What a concept. And my faith felt strong for a brief moment.
I know why I'm sad now. I know I am carrying someone in my heart. It's called intercession. Praying for someone on their behalf. It's all okay. Right now, it's what I'm called to do. And I know the outcome is good. Why? Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."And that we can stand on. FAITH.
JJ Heller: All I Need